The New York Womans

How does a lack of appreciation between spouses affect their relationship? And what are the ways to fix it?

Humans naturally need to feel cared for, respected, and appreciated by their partner, while the absence of this feeling—in either the husband or the wife—causes major problems in the relationship.

When a partner ignores your needs, doesn't give you the appreciation you deserve, and becomes emotionally unavailable, you need to find someone to help you save the relationship before it reaches a dead end.

Appreciation is a basic human need.

Psychologist Dr. Ashraf Al-Salhi believes that "appreciation is a basic human need. The foundations of a successful relationship and marriage are mutual appreciation and respect between the two parties, without which a relationship cannot succeed. A relationship built on belittling the other party and failing to appreciate and respect them leads to a disintegrated and psychologically unstable family."

He continues, "A healthy marital relationship is built on appreciation, respect, affection, mutuality, and understanding. Appreciation between spouses is of great importance to the success and continuity of a marriage, to building a strong marital relationship, to fostering a sense of satisfaction with one another, acceptance, stability, and mutual concern."

The psychiatrist emphasizes the importance of treating your partner the way they would like to be treated, "and calling them by their favorite terms and titles. This will give the couple the ability to confront and resolve their problems easily using dialogue, discussion, and acceptance of other opinions. This will help them build a strong, cohesive family where appreciation and respect prevail, reflected in their interactions with people outside the home."

In contrast, Al-Salihi, speaking to The New York Womans, explained that the lack of appreciation and respect between spouses has negative effects on the relationship and the couple's psychological state, "and significantly reduces self-confidence, leading to disrespect and belittling of others, the use of offensive language and insults, and violence in its various forms, whether psychological, physical, or verbal."

Verbal and behavioral assessment

For his part, family counselor Dr. Ahmed Abdullah says, "We notice in the marital awareness sessions we conduct for partners experiencing difficulties that the root of many disputes is a lack of appreciation."

Appreciation is defined as "a positive verbal, gestural, or psychological response to a partner's actions, something that is often absent, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It is well known that people like to feel they have a positive impact on the lives of others."

He continues, "That's why verbal and behavioral gratitude are a form of appreciation between people. In the lives of married couples, the need for appreciation becomes even greater, as the relationship is characterized by many unique features, continuity, and overlapping roles, rights, and duties."

Lack of appreciation and negative effects

Counselor Abdullah emphasizes that appreciation occupies a very high position for some, "who feel that the relationship cannot continue without it. A lack of appreciation can lead to various forms of misbehavior between spouses , and even between individuals themselves. Numerous psychological studies have indicated a close relationship between marital appreciation and self-esteem."

He adds, "Some people consider appreciation and gratitude as gateways to love. Some spouses' inner voices say, 'You appreciate me, therefore you love me.' This is a high and dangerous level of appreciation, as its absence in this case means the absence of a major gateway to love, which is considered one of the pillars of married life."

"We cannot quantify the number or type of negative effects of a lack of appreciation, but at the very least, it can be said that it robs a relationship of security and tranquility. It does not necessarily lead to conflict, but if conflict does arise, it will be difficult to overcome," Abdullah says.

How do you deal with lack of appreciation?

Under the title "What can you do if you don't feel appreciated by your partner?", the Free Well Mind website published tips that can be followed to get your marital relationship back on track in the absence of appreciation, including:

Opening the Door to Communication: Lack of appreciation may be due to your partner's work-related difficulties. Talk to your partner about how you feel unappreciated and listen attentively to their responses, not neglecting nonverbal communication. Discuss the issue with your partner calmly and honestly. You can work together to resolve the issue and discover ways your partner can make you feel appreciated.
Appreciate the positives: Appreciation may be absent directly, but try to focus on the positive things your partner does and prioritize them more.
Expressing gratitude: Gratitude strengthens and enhances relationships and makes you happier. When you show gratitude, you're in a healthy emotional state.