Parental combustion.. When parenting devours your mental health

Many parents describe seeing their children as almost feeling like their hearts are skipping before their eyes. However, this same experience can be extremely stressful and even detrimental to mental health if parents lack the resources to cope with the stresses of parenting. This condition is known as "parental burnout" or "parental burnout syndrome," which you can learn more about by reading the following lines.

Parental burnout syndrome

Parental burnout syndrome is characterized by extreme exhaustion for parents while performing their duties towards their children, leading them to feel ineffective in their children's lives. Therefore, parents should prepare for feelings of exhaustion and fatigue during the first few years after their child's birth, followed by feelings of frustration, stress, and anxiety as their children grow older and resist their guidance.

WebMD notes that parents may tend to focus on their children's needs, devoting so much of their time and energy to them that they neglect their own needs. The result is parental burnout syndrome, a condition in which you become so exhausted that you may feel you have nothing left to offer anyone, not even your child.

According to a 2020 research review published by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), parental burnout is a chronic condition resulting from exposure to high levels of parenting-related stress. This stress results primarily from a mismatch between the demands of parenting and the resources available to parents to meet those demands. It's like carrying too much of a burden for too long, which can take a long-term emotional and mental toll.

Healthline explains that while everyone's experience with parenting and raising children may look different, one thing is certain: living in a state of extreme stress for years on end is not normal. It's therefore normal to develop parental burnout syndrome, with its long-term effects that fundamentally impact daily life.

This is made worse if one parent is solely responsible for the children. Not having parental support means fewer breaks and less time for self-care, both of which contribute to increased feelings of burnout.

Signs of parental burnout syndrome

Symptoms of parental burnout include a diminished interest in activities you once enjoyed. Irritability, with your patience and tolerance for your children at an all-time low, and forgetfulness and numbness. Guilt may creep in, as you feel you've failed your children and haven't been a good parent.

This syndrome can lead to emotional withdrawal from your children and feelings of being an ineffective parent. It also can lead to brain fog, increased stress levels, depression, feelings of isolation, poor sleep, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

Psychotherapist Haley Nidich explains to Healthline that parental burnout also directly impacts the relationship between spouses. “When you use all your determination and emotional regulation to manage parenting and other responsibilities, it can be easy for your relationship to become less meaningful. Dissatisfaction with the level of support received regarding childcare is a common complaint.”

The effects of parental burnout can be passed on to children, because with parents' low energy and patience levels, children may feel neglected or unwanted.

Ways of dealing

Psychology Today explains that parents suffering from parental burnout often hide their symptoms, fearing the stigma of being seen as not good enough. However, without addressing the issue and seeking treatment, the mother's or father's burnout can have detrimental effects on the entire family. Therefore, parenting and psychology experts outline a set of strategies that can effectively deal with parental burnout syndrome, as follows:

Acknowledge your feelings: If you find yourself experiencing symptoms of parental burnout, the first thing you should do is reach out to your partner and talk about your feelings.

If you're raising your child alone without a partner, it may be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member. Acknowledging your feelings is an effective first step toward dealing with them, and you may receive some support from the person you talk to.

Don't neglect your diet: When you're stressed or experiencing a lack of energy, you may turn to fast food or sugary snacks. These foods can increase your stress levels. Instead, fuel your body with nutrient-rich foods, such as protein, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables.

Continue exercising: You may neglect exercise when you feel physically and mentally stressed, but if you want to improve your condition, you should exercise regularly. Exercise boosts energy, releases happy hormones in the body, reduces stress, and clears the mind.

Stop feeling guilty: Parents may feel guilty when they take time for themselves away from their children. Never fall into this trap. Focusing on your own needs from time to time never makes you a bad parent. In fact, self-care can help you be a better parent.

Reduce commitments: When you have a child and you're taking care of them, you don't have to run the world around them. Remove excessive or stressful commitments from your schedule. This may give you the extra breathing room you may need.

It's worth noting that parents who are more committed to their roles are more at risk of burnout. This is because the pressure some parents place on themselves in their pursuit of perfection in their parenting role can put them at risk of dissatisfaction and frustration. Reducing perfectionism, committing to self-care, even for short periods of time, and seeking support can help parents avoid parental burnout.