Most parents—especially millennials who were indoctrinated with 90s food ideas and are still haunted by phrases like “Finish your plate if you want dessert”—may not realize how serious some of the comments can be, and how psychologically damaging they can be to their children.
Because children's relationship with food begins at home, experts recommend that parents, when raising their children at this age, help them make healthy food choices, but without passing on the same complexes they may have suffered from as children and that persist into adulthood.
This can be done by "starting with understanding how to present food to children, what not to say to them when talking about food or body image at home, and what to say instead," Dr. Raquel Catangian Ayala, director of a Canadian eating disorder treatment center, told HuffPost.
These are the 4 most dangerous comments that experts have warned against:
This food is very bad for you.
A 2014 study indicated that "parents tend to pressure children to eat or not eat certain foods." That's why New York-based psychologist Erica Miller advises avoiding judging children's food by labeling it as "good" or "bad." She explains that young children live in an ideal world and can't understand that something should be off-limits.
Instead of labeling foods as "good" or "bad," Miller recommends trying to avoid judgment and focusing on the value each food component provides, such as viewing carbohydrates as energy providers, fats as helping the body absorb certain vitamins, and so on.
“Understanding nutritional value helps us start changing the way we talk to children,” says Katangyan Ayala. “Whether it's carbohydrates or fats versus fruits or vegetables, they all provide us with adequate nutrition at the end of the day.”
Although a 2020 review found that restricting food intake may increase children's risk of eating disorders and weight gain, registered dietitian Jennifer Anderson says, "If your child has a craving for sweets, for example, it's okay to tell them they'll have it another day, to give hunger cues a chance to prompt them to eat until they're full."
Your belly has gotten big from eating sweets.
“Before you talk negatively about your body image or your child’s body—especially around food—it’s important to consider how it can negatively impact them, especially as they reach puberty and their body changes,” says Dr. Katangian.
Not only that, but she advises, "If other adults in your child's world make such comments about body image or food restriction, you need to step in and put a stop to it."
Jennifer Anderson, for her part, addresses the "root cause of the problem," which is the internalized bias toward weight "and all the resulting body image drama."
A 2018 analysis by Yale University researchers found that "parents with eating disorders show greater concern about their children's weight and greater control over their eating behaviors." Anderson says, "The more a child is predisposed to thinking about weight and believing that thinness is better, the more dramatic eating becomes for them."
To address this, Anderson recommends talking to family members, explaining that commenting on a child's body image is unwelcome, and countering any negative comments by saying, for example, "All bodies come in different shapes and sizes, and you are a good person no matter what your body size."
I'll give you cake if you eat broccoli.
Anderson warns against using food as a bribe for anything, and debunks the broccoli-and-cookie bargain, saying, "It's like telling a child that broccoli is so bad that we'll give you a reward for eating it."
It's the same idea of "If you finish your plate, you get dessert," and other ideas that arise from parents' desire for the child to devour whatever is offered to him, from pieces of chicken to vegetables, without realizing that pressuring him to do so with the promise of a sweet reward is not the solution, because it makes the child reduce the original desire to eat food and increase his desire for dessert.
Instead, Anderson recommends "encouraging children to listen to their own satiety cues before considering offering dessert with their meal," explaining that this approach "helps eliminate the feeling of deprivation from dessert and makes it less tempting and rewarding."
You can't eat anything now because it's almost dinner time.
“It's not realistic to expect a child to eat three meals a day like an adult,” explains Erica Miller. Children, especially those under 5, burn calories faster than adults and need to fuel up.
Because it may be difficult for them to eat a meal so close to their bedtime, Miller suggests giving them a snack in the afternoon or moving dinner time up to accommodate them.
Tips for parents
Catherine B. Pepper, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Missouri and director of an eating disorders center, offers parents some tips to help children adopt healthy lifestyles, such as:
- Keep communication open by encouraging discussion of good health, eating habits, and body image in a positive, non-judgmental way.
- Avoid the culture of strict diets, stop forcing children to eat everything on their plates or limiting their food, and focus on making sure that the child is full or still hungry.
- Avoid labeling foods as "good" or "bad," including sweets. Instead, include all foods in a healthy, balanced diet that the family eats together.
- Encourage positive self-esteem and a healthy body image by avoiding criticizing your child's body and looking for other qualities to talk about, such as intelligence, superiority, kindness, or any other trait besides their appearance, to help boost their self-esteem.
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